Paragraphing Assignment 1

In this assignment, the students were supposed to write two solid creative paragraphs, and could choose the subject matter. Freshman Victoria White wrote these two paragraphs, and I was impressed with their depth and description. Please give her some feedback!

I wish
by Victoria White

I wish I was like that girl. She is smart, talented, and much more! Senorina is that girl. She always sits alone reading and not eating during lunch. When people ask her to join them she'd say no rather than setting with them unlike me. She is sort of a loner, only the whole student body wants to be her friend. She's the most popular loner I have ever seen. She isn't shy if that's what you're thinking. She'll get up and give a presentation that will have any job she applied for hire her. She'll tell you what's what if you get to be a nuisance. She keeps to herself and sits away from other kids. There are only three people that she really talks to and I envy them. I wish I could be her friend. No, I wish I could be her.

Senorina has long brown hair that falls to the end of her back. She'd have to be careful not to get it caught when shutting a door. Her hair looks soft and silky. She is tall and her skin is a carmel brown. Her eyes are the most beautiful blue, and the dark makeup she wears makes them sparkle like the ocean in the sun on the hottest day in summer. I sit here thinking about all of this in the cafeteria while eating my cardboard pizza and drinking my watery milk. My table is crowded full of students. I know them all but I still wish I could be like Senorina. Even if she doesn't know many kids like I do, they all know her and being known is what counts.

BRRRIIIINNNNNNNG!!!!!!!!!

Time for class.